INEVITABILITY
I want to thank you for the privilege of speaking with you this evening- it is rare I get to speak without a bailiff with a gun standing next to me to make sure people are in attendance. I had planned on speaking about the current state of mental health courts throughout the United States and in particular Fairfield, Ohio but I decided I needed to speak with you about inevitability.
Let me explain. Last Tuesday I was sitting in my chambers –judge talk for office – just having returned from a trip to the National Institute of Health in Bethesda Maryland. As part of a federal grant to teach judges about scientific matters I had just spent four days meeting with and learning from the leaders in the scientific community about recent breakthroughs in mental health and addiction research. I was rejuvenated and excited that great strides are being made decoding genetic links to mental health and new treatment modalities are being developed. I had renewed hope that someday no one would have to suffer the despair and loneliness of mental illness.
As I was going through the days docket my court administrator came into my chambers and with great difficulty told me that a young man that I love like my own son had just committed suicide that morning.
The grief over the loss of this handsome, witty, charming, well educated 25 year old young man seems to have no end. This very special young man struggled with demons I will never understand and despite medications, therapy, a loving family, many friends and deep religious convictions he felt that suicide was the only way for him to find peace. We spoke often about his therapy and medications and I read every article I could find in an effort to be informed and helpful.
We last heard from him by email the night before his death. There was nothing to indicate that suicide was an option being contemplated or planned. To the contrary, the adjustment of his medications seemed to be working. He was looking forward to purchasing a home, obtaining his MBA, contemplating a job change and was making plans with my 13 year-old son for Christmas break.
How wrong I was. Despite all my efforts with the Fairfield Mental Health Court to help the hundreds of defendants struggling with mental illness in the criminal justice system, despite all my education and research I was unable to save someone I love with all my heart.
My reason for sharing my private pain with you is because of something someone close to this young man said to me at his visitation. She said that his untimely death by suicide was inevitable. I was outraged, angry and defiant at this word.
I refuse to accept that suicide is inevitable for those suffering from severe mental illness. Great strides have been made and continue to be made in medications, genetics and therapy techniques. There is help and there is hope. I never want anyone to suffer the loss of a loved one due to mental illness.
I want it to be inevitable that treatment will work and people will regain control of their lives and vanquish the demons.
I want it to be inevitable that we obtain health insurance parity.
I want it to be inevitable that we fund ongoing research.
I want it to be inevitable that society accept mental illness the same as any other ongoing chronic disease.
I want it to be inevitable that children are screened at a young age so that issues can be addressed early.
I want it to be inevitable that each of us reach out to those who suffer and be a little kinder, a little more patient and a little more loving.
I want it to be inevitable that no one will ever have to cause those who love them such grief and pain in order to find peace.
I leave you with the words of the poet Emily Dickinson –
If I can stop one heart from breakingThank you and god bless you.
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.
